May 2013
15 posts
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Asexuality Book is a go
I am pleased to announce that my asexuality book has been offered representation by a literary agent. Once I’ve gone back to the other agents who were considering it, I’ll sign with one of them (most likely the first who offered), and then it’s on to the publishing houses. This could move pretty fast. (If I’m lucky.)
Hope I can count on y’all in this community to...
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In Propinquity: Five Common Querying Mistakes →
I blogged on my new blog. This is about five common querying mistakes authors make when trying to approach literary agents. I started this blog separately from my official author site because I want to sometimes post rambly, silly, or cluttery things that aren’t really appropriate on a fairly dignified author site. I just started the blog but it has an intro post and a ramble about my Disney...
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trigger warning: mentions of rape, violence,...
toomanylokifeels:
No, I am going to talk about this and you are going to listen.
Asexuals often receive rape threats because people believe that asexual-identifying individuals cannot possibly not want to have sex; even though the idea that asexuality is defined by specifically not wanting to have sex is a false one. (And I’ve explained that here) It is for this reason why I am tired of the...
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When I do someone a favor and read their...
lifeinsmallpresspublishing:
(I’m not always right, but if an editor is telling you it needs an edit, then it needs a fucking edit. Even if it has already been edited.)
Oh my GOD it’s me.
This is why I say no to all those “Hi I’ve never talked to you before but are you cool with reading my book?” people. Because I know I’m evil, and I know people who do this are...
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greenchestnuts:
laceratedbylife:
I don’t get why asexual people have to come out to their parents about their sexuality. How do they even expect this to go down? They’re like: “Mum … Dad … I am asexual.” And then the mother breaks down crying and the father starts yelling: “NO THIS IS NOT HOW WE RAISED YOU HOW WILL WE EVER HAVE A PREGNANT TEENAGE DAUGHTER NOW WHERE DID WE GO WRONG JUST THINK...
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My mother the random petty thief
cupcakearrow:
swankivy:
Figured I should tell a Weirdass Mom story considering what day it is.
So my mom likes to steal small items. Not from stores—she once punished my sister severely for getting caught doing that—but from places she perceives to deserve it.
The most common victims of my mom’s petty theft are restaurants. Her cabinets are full of mismatched dishware, especially stuff like...
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My mother the random petty thief
Figured I should tell a Weirdass Mom story considering what day it is.
So my mom likes to steal small items. Not from stores—she once punished my sister severely for getting caught doing that—but from places she perceives to deserve it.
The most common victims of my mom’s petty theft are restaurants. Her cabinets are full of mismatched dishware, especially stuff like condiment...
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YouTube conversation with Sarah G
So Sarah G had this to say on my asexuality “overview” video:
Sarah G:
My doctor told me being asexual is something most people get over when they meet the right person. I went almost 5 years without being attracted to anyone I was an asexual by definition.
Yes, the same annoying old crap. But unlike most ignorant people, she also took it upon herself to private-message me to...
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All stories must include romance!
Anonymous asked you:
Hey Swankivy. I was just wondering, what’s your take on people who constantly nag at putting a love interest for either the main character, or one of meny main characters? In a story i’m working on the main character’s best friend is more favored over to a group of friends I showed it too. Though, they ask me: “Where is his girlfriend? Or...
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Anonymous asked: I need some advice...I've been dating a sexual person for a while. She knows I am asexual, and has asked me to explain that once or twice (which I have, hopefully not too badly). She's never tried to push me or anything, but I can tell she's getting sexually frustrated and I have no idea what to do about that. I still love her, but I'm really not comfortable engaging in sexual...
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Feminist Ace Problems: When a feminist blogger...
terra-promessa:
And claims that the concept of asexuality in women, particularly women of color, is “harmful” because it’s just internalized misogyny and the patriarchy WANTS us to be asexual.
I’ve heard this argument roughly a million times before and it never ceases to amaze me with its stupidity. Seriously, where the fuck is this supposed planet where women are fully accepted and even...
Anonymous asked: After seeing that recent post, I have a quick question. I'm planning to come out to my family once I'm in college, in about a year and a half. I'm hoping to just casually drop it into a conversation, because I'm about 80% sure they'll be supportive. The problem? I think my mother will be TOO supportive. I've always had a sneaking suspicion she wants to be a ~cool...
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metapianycist:
nextstepcake:
greenchestnuts:
emeraldincandescent:
voltafiish:
I think it’s kinda of gross that all these people are coming and going “UGH YOU’RE HAVING SEX WRONG”
like i thought no one cared about the sex aces were having?
where are those people anyway?
cause apparently people are caring about the hypothetical sex nextstepcake is having?
you see
aces cannot win
...
April 2013
68 posts
Anonymous asked: Hi! A while back you had a post about writing books that discussed somewhere in it the typical expected word count range that agents/publishers look for? That was worded poorly, but I hope you understand which post I mean. I've been digging through your archives and I can't find it, so I was wondering if you knew which post I meant or could briefly recap the information? Thanks!
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psycho-shop:
Finding Asexual Characters
swankivy:
greenchestnuts:
There’s always a lot of discussion around of major TV characters (such as Sherlock and Sheldon Cooper, for example) being asexual. So I thought I’d put together a list of four other, perhaps lesser known characters – from books, movies, TV, web comics – who are either named as asexual (in one case), strongly implied to be...
Consent shaming debacle
queenieofaces:
Trigger warnings: rape, sexual assault, Queenie being angry at people
The whole consent shaming debacle* has made me pretty frustrated with everyone and everything. I am well-aware that getting involved in this thing is an exercise in futility, but I have to say something or else I will explode (and that would be messy).
If you remove aces’ sexual agency, you not only do a...
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Finding Asexual Characters →
greenchestnuts:
There’s always a lot of discussion around of major TV characters (such as Sherlock and Sheldon Cooper, for example) being asexual. So I thought I’d put together a list of four other, perhaps lesser known characters – from books, movies, TV, web comics – who are either named as asexual (in one case), strongly implied to be asexual, or at least could easily be asexual in my mind....
Anonymous asked: I want to be like you. Not exactly, but you're really really cool.
Anonymous asked: Omg, I just found your blog today, and I remember way back in 2007 having read a couple of your posts somewhere (can't remember where, but I know it had a lot of hilarious IM convos with dudebros.) It was reading your posts that first made me embrace asexuality (previously I had encountered the term, thought "yeah I suppose that applies to me," but not really put much more thought...
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Depression, anxiety, and asexuality
Anonymous asked you:
Can depression and anxiety have anything to do with not feeling sexually attracted to people? I usually don’t want any physical contact with people, and I get kind of disgusted with sex and the idea of it. I have both depression and anxiety and I do like my personal space, but I am confused because I want no part of any sexual acts and I kind of think I’m...
Anonymous asked: Have you seen what fatherangel has been posting about asexuality?
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Coming out as asexual
Anonymous asked you:
I wanted to ask about comming out as asexual. I’m a minor and live with my family if that helps. :) Thanks
Well, anon, coming out as asexual (like any kind of coming out) is often difficult and sometimes unpredictable. Since I don’t know the circumstances of your family, whether they tend to be supportive, how accepting they might be of non-heterosexual...
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Unsolicited Submission Policy →
I’m amused by the Gersh Agency’s unsolicited submission policy.
I have never seen a more firmly worded, professionally stated version of “fuck off.”
sparrowlicious asked: Hello Ivy! I just wanted to say: thank you! It's because of people like you that I actually realized that I'm asexual. I was almost thinking there was something wrong with me. Only that I actually like it like this - not being sexually attracted to anyone. Since I'm also an introvert I'm really content with this. Being around other people for a longer period of time is hell for...
Historical fiction
mansplained:
I’m an author of historical fiction, and my agent is sending my first novel to publishers soon. In order to prevent public mockery for anything I might have gotten wrong, I was willing to pay a historian who specializes in my time period to check it over. I posted a notice about this to a listserv, and mentioned in the first paragraph that the novel is set in Paris in February of...
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Not that it really matters to me because god loves...
metapianycist:
swankivy:
metapianycist:
confessorm:
sophiaphilemon:
metapianycist:
radgraceyo:
But is asexuality considered a sin for Roman Catholic Christians?
In Catholicism, it is considered sinful to marry a person with no intention of having sex or procreating with them. Lack of sexual attraction by itself isn’t sinful, but having a sexless marriage is. Catholicism’s reasoning...
Not that it really matters to me because god loves...
metapianycist:
confessorm:
sophiaphilemon:
metapianycist:
radgraceyo:
But is asexuality considered a sin for Roman Catholic Christians?
In Catholicism, it is considered sinful to marry a person with no intention of having sex or procreating with them. Lack of sexual attraction by itself isn’t sinful, but having a sexless marriage is. Catholicism’s reasoning for this is that the purpose...
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“The reality is that fat people are often supported in hating their bodies, in...”
– Lesley Kinzel (via curvesahead)
I will always reblog this because it is so so important.
(via infinitetransit)
I just want to nail this to every stable surface I can find. I cannot count the amount of times that I’ve seen fat folks being encouraged, cajoled, and even forced into behaviors that...
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Contact post
I get a lot of messages from people in various places who have no idea that I have a presence in other various places. So here is your SwankiVY Master Contact List. Feel free to contact, join, follow, subscribe, creepily stalk, or do whatever the hell you do!
Pro Writing Blog
Personal Writing Blog
Personal Site
E-mail: ivy@swankivy.com
Twitter: @swankivy
YouTube (asexuality & personal...
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I STARTED AN ASEXUAL TWITTER.
fandomacepilot:
Hey guys!
So, disheartened by the ignorance/bigotry/hate seen on Twitter, I have started an asexual twitter. I’m Ask Asexual Alison, come follow me @askasexyalison.
I will be making posts at least once daily about asexuality, common misconceptions, things you should never say to an asexual person, etc., and answering whatever questions I get, tagged #askasexyalison...
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TransFusion: An Exercise for Explaining Gender... →
This happens to you day after day, year after year. [ … ] [T]he majority opinion is that this is just what you should expect [ … ] And every day, people undermine and mock you.
I thought this succinct, effective analogy for living a life of constant gender policing did a great job trying to help people who don’t experience it imagine what it might be like.
Written by an...
I think you mean 'bi'
mansplained:
I was having an online conversation with a biochem major from UCL when I mentioned that I came out as trans a little while ago. His reply was: -You bi? Trans is the one where you’ve had your sex changed.
Lawwwwwl.
Yeah man, it’s really likely that someone coming out as trans didn’t really know what they meant. And it’s really likely they need you to mess up what...
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Things that lead me to believe that...
metapianycist:
http://hms-anon.dreamwidth.org/146489.html?thread=718467385#cmt718467385 (screenshot)
http://hms-anon.dreamwidth.org/146489.html?thread=718480185#cmt718480185 (screenshot)
http://hms-anon.dreamwidth.org/146489.html?thread=719383353#cmt719383353 (screenshot)
Spread this like wildfire.
What’s funny is they thought we couldn’t tell the difference between things...
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Everyday Ignorance: YouTube conversation with... →
redbeardace:
swankivy:
Here’s one I think I’ve honestly not heard before. I’ve heard the protests that sound like “you just want attention” and “nobody CARES what sexuality you are,” but I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of educating about asexuality because I want to make money.
Comments posted on one of my…
Wow, it’s the standard anti-Al Gore attack. Someone, somewhere is making...
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YouTube conversation with kokuryukia
Here’s one I think I’ve honestly not heard before. I’ve heard the protests that sound like “you just want attention” and “nobody CARES what sexuality you are,” but I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of educating about asexuality because I want to make money.
Comments posted on one of my YouTube videos.
kokuryukia:
I have a girlfriend that...
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sootonthecarpet:
swankivy replied to your post: All the canonically trans* fictional characters I…
I know a book called I Am J by Cris Beam which is about a trans guy! I have a few criticisms about the writing but I liked the story.
(holy fuck I keep forgetting you follow me) What’s it about plotline-wise…?
It’s about a guy named J who is misunderstood by people in his life as...
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pearlsfromthewest:
Identity is Void: Quick note…I’ve received a lot of questions and I WILL get to…
bbkazier:
as-fine-as-dandelions asked:Hey, I saw your post answering that ask in the asexual tag. I think that while asexuals are oppressed DIFFERENTLY, asexuals can be oppressed. There is a study (that I do not have the link to atm) that shows that people are MORE likely to refuse...
Scrolling through the Waterstone's Twitter is my...
at-the-barricades-of-freedom:
Let’s take a look at a few of my favs so far;
Sassy Waterstones worker, I love you,
And well this is true:
Sometimes I do worry about their psyche though:
They make up cool new words;
They’re a sassy little shit.
And best of all, the Holden debacle;
And one more for good luck:
Oh my god, this is best. I love the Holden...
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To Ace Microaggressions:
metapianycist:
miscellanii:
I’d like to apologize for coming off as a bit rude in my post about you.
Your blog, unfortunately, gives me the feeling that many of the posts are satirical and just mocking the very idea that there are problems that asexual people face.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt for this post and assume that you are not a troll, and I’ll explain why so many...
once more for the crowd in the back: I’m so... →
againandagainandagainand:
I’m so annoyed that dumbass couldn’t even bother to read or respond to the EPIC post I wrote schooling her on her idiotic definitions of asexuality since I was kind, thorough, and explained who I was in the process which helps enable communication between opposing parties (as opposed to claiming…
In case you also missed the reply to this just like you missed the...