Text   My Best Asexuality Posts

Here is a list of all my most memorable essays on asexuality.

  • No big deal (4/16/14): Discussion of why asking a repulsed person to put up with sex is as unreasonable as asking a sex-desiring person to just go without it.
  • None of the Above (1/4/14): Why I think asexuality is best described as a sexual orientation rather than no sexual orientation.
  • It’s Simple (11/11/13): Asexuality is too simple to deserve awareness efforts, but too complicated because of all its sub-groups. Discuss.
  • Your identity is a Tumblr fad (6/30/13): Exploring why some people think asexuality and other identities were invented on Tumblr just because Tumblr was the first place they saw these things discussed.
  • If It Fits (6/24/13): An extended metaphor discussion about how expecting all people to fit specified, recognized “standard” sexual orientations is like expecting everyone to wear the same size clothes no matter what actually fits.
  • Asexuality Pre- and Post-Transition (6/19/13): A perspective for trans asexuals who worry that their orientation possibly shifting after transition might be ammunition for others to invalidate asexuality in trans people.
  • Missing Out (3/7/13): On why it’s wrong to keep harassing asexual people to “just try sex” because you perceive them to be “missing out.”
  • The asexual double standard (12/7/12): How asexual people are expected to expose themselves to sexual experiences they do not want in ways most other orientations are not expected to tolerate.
  • It won’t last. (11/27/12): Reaction to HuffPost Live’s feature on asexual relationships and why it’s wrong for people to insist that sexual activities are required for relationships to endure.
  • My thoughts on “queerplatonic” (7/2/12): A discussion of why the word is not an attempt to unfairly graft queerness onto relationships that are “just friendships.”
  • Your reason (6/7/12): An appeal to anti-asexual crusaders to please explain whether they’re objecting for our sake or for their own.
  • Away with the labels! (5/26/12): Why “we should just stop trying to label every sexuality” is misguided as well as erasing to asexuals.
  • On the Inside (5/21/12): Why people outside a population should not consider themselves the authority on an in-group’s experiences.

Here are some reflective replies to others.

  1. User notunprepared bounces off a mocking quote by Mari and supports the importance of asexual discussion
  2. Mari claims “real” asexual people don’t “blog about their asexuality like it’s a fandom,” and I retort, reminding Mari that no one is the arbiter of whose asexuality is “real”
  3. Mari claims 95% of asexual bloggers are not really asexual because of the way they blog, and I again explain that this contradicts the definition Mari uses
  4. Mari reiterates that asexual pride, flags, and community celebrations are faddish and will disappear soon, and tells me no one will take my asexual visibility seriously if I do not accept that this is a fact, not an opinion; I make it clear that it’s not “the community’s” fault that we’re not taken seriously
  5. Mari claims all I’m doing is ranting on Tumblr and waving an ace flag, and I laugh and ask if Mari wants to teach ME how to do asexual activism
  6. Mari asks me to specifically point to where I’ve made any difference at all, so I link to the media I’ve been in, my book announcement, my conference speeches, my YouTube videos, my published articles, and my history in activism
  7. Mari dismisses all of my work as not mattering and claims I think I’m great because of “official” work; I make it clear that I know there’s not a thing I can claim to have accomplished that would be enough
  8. Asexual people who felt I personally helped them pour into my ask box: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
  1. I respond to “folks are actually MURDERED for being gay” by saying people shouldn’t have to die before it’s important
  2. User wrote-miss-ibis, who’s both gay and asexual, comments, and I agree
  3. User hellnoradfems claims that asexual people cannot experience discrimination, says our only problem is “hurt feelings,” and tells us to “shut our special snowflake mouths.” I respond with a list of documented asexual discrimination incidents.
  4. hellnoradfems does not look at my links and reiterates that no one is actually hurting us in ways that matter, while misrepresenting the material I linked. I expose the intellectual dishonesty of this.
  5. User nextstepcake offers some thoughts on the Oppression Olympics game, and I agree
  6. I clarify an unclear point on trans marriages at the request of user sootonthecarpet
  7. Arielwasreal suggests we stop having a “pissing contest” and just “be humans,” and I respond
  8. An anonymous person points out that LGBT people DO play “who’s queer enough” within the community, and I acknowledge
  9. Dragongirlhellfire points out that not all LGBT people are oppressed the same amount, and I agree
  10. Titsandwit-thatsit says disclosing asexuality is pointless so we’re choosing to experience prejudice if we come out, and I disagree
  11. Vampireisabitstrong highlights issues with advocating asexual closeting and LGBT folks telling us what our experience is, and I elaborate
  1. I answer an ask from a despondent anon ace regarding how “allies” even get a letter when we don’t
  2. User epistemotypus calls me a little shit in response to my advice; it was not real criticism, so I just said thank you.
  3. User iamalizardwomanfromthedawnoftime says they liked my advice and didn’t see what was wrong with it; I speculate.
  4. Epistemotypus responds, saying my response was gross because it demonizes queer people, none of whom have ever done the things I say they have done. I show examples where they have.
  5. An anon laughs at Epistemotypus for expecting a respectful response when they literally called me a piece of shit.
  1. sliperrysheep claims gray-asexuality doesn’t belong in the community, and greenchestnuts and I disagree
  2. An anon suggests anti-asexual impersonators are causing in-fighting to divide our community
  3. huntin-for-the-shotas aggressively asserts that gray-asexuality isn’t real and blames them for the asexual community’s inability to be taken seriously, and I debunk
  4. huntin-for-the-shotas insists there is no asexual spectrum—just asexual people—and says gray-asexuals are attention-seekers; I debunk
  • On people wanting asexual people to show LGBTQ people “proof” of their discrimination and bullying:
  1. 27degreessouth claims we aren’t bullied or discriminated against (and have no reason to ally with LGBTQ); metapianycist and I disagree. (8/19/13)
  2. 27degreessouth ignores my response but tells catseatyourface to provide “proof” and claims said proof doesn’t exist; I provide it. (8/20/13)
  3. captainheartless agrees with me and says only haters demand receipts, and I elaborate in agreement. (8/20/13)
  1. lookatyourchoicez makes a false equivalency argument to try to make asexual people look unreasonable (8/18/13)
  2. shinchanmajitenshi discusses the analogy further (8/18/13)
  • On arguing that demisexuality enables homophobia, user babushka-nipples posted this misleading definition of demisexuality. The string that includes my replies:
  1. gatica argues that demisexuality is just how most “normal” people experience sexual attraction.
  2. bessibels explains why that is definitely not the case.
  3. babushka-nipples wrongly insists that demisexuality is about not being promiscuous.
  4. greenchestnuts reminds babushka-nipples that demisexuality is not a choice and defines it AGAIN.
  5. babushka-nipples insists that demisexuality gives homophobes ammunition against gay people because it supposedly is an example of “choosing” one’s orientation.
  6. I explain why actually babushka-nipples is using arguments that erase bisexual and sexually fluid people, and I explain how labels work.
  7. babushka-nipples again claims demisexuality is about “how you go about having sex” and demonstrates a black-and-white understanding of sexuality (while telling me I’m missing brain cells).
  8. I explore babushka-nipples’s misconceptions and tell them to stop rephrasing people’s arguments poorly just to tear them down.
  1. Asexuals who have sex are not bullshit (4/8/13)
  2. Botched Latin definitions don’t make you right (4/8/13)
  3. Sexual attraction is not a prerequisite to having consensual sex (4/9/13)
  4. "Please explain"? Ask and ye shall receive (4/9/13)
  5. Asking you to stop invalidating us is not claiming oppression (4/9/13)
  6. We are not a Tumblr fad, and mistakenly calling me a teenager doesn’t prove your point (4/9/13)
  7. againandagainandagainand responds in depth with policing of others’ sex lives, slut-shaming, misused/incorrect science/language pedantry, and specious claims (4/10/13)
  8. My deconstruction of the above (4/10/13)

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