Everyday Ignorance

Please note there is some disturbing rape culture apologism in this conversation.

Got this comment a week or so ago on my Asexual Bingo video:

wweworldwrestling:

Yeah.. not funny. In fact this was incredibly stupid.

So I responded with this:

swankivy:

Oh, you have criticism? Feel free to let me know what was wrong with my video! (“It was stupid” doesn’t really help me improve, after all, but if you had something that you didn’t like about it—or, more likely, something that you didn’t understand—please let me know!)

Predictably, I received the dreaded tone argument:

wweworldwrestling:

I just don’t like how you are being sarcastic and overreacting over every single little thing. It’s understandable why you’re upset considering the comments you have gotten regarding you and your situation. I can’t imagine you really wanted my criticism though.

“You’re overreacting” tends to be code for “your problem isn’t real.”  This person pretends my being “upset” is “understandable,” but turns right around and pins this assessment (“this is stupid”) on my TONE.  Yeah, I don’t think this is actually about how I chose to represent my message.

My response:

swankivy:

I see, you get to decide that I’m unreasonable for pointing out the ignorant and ridiculous things people say to me when I discuss my lesser-known sexual orientation. I chose to take a tiny fraction of the disgusting comments I get and make a learning tool out of it, and most people seem to have seen it for what it is. You, though, decided the only feedback you had was “this is stupid.” Your further explanation suggests “stupid” for you means “not relevant to me, therefore, shouldn’t be said.”

I blocked this account, but the person came back on a different account, as people like this are wont to do.

The3rdbirthdays:

Now, don’t you got putting words in my mouth. I have no problem with you pointing out those things. It’s the way you point them out, not what you point out. That’s the thing though, I do see it for what it is. As I said I agree with you, but not the way you point things out. Your tone basically. Also this is the internet, you should expect negative short comments here and there. It only suggest it to you, and it’s probably the first thing you stuck with. It’s however not what I intended at all.

LOL forever on “this is the Internet” as an excuse for why I should be cool with drive-by “this is stupid” comments.  And is this person further suggesting that the comments I’m responding to are also something I should get used to and get over?  I know, I should just expect to get the occasional rape threat.  How silly of me for finding this objectionable and responding to it by being shocked and appalled, huh?  Women on the Internet are just going to have to DEAL WITH regular rape threats as part of a normal experience online, DUH!

My response:

swankivy:

A person whose criticism for me was “this is incredibly stupid” is lecturing me about a tone argument? If you’d like to know why it’s wrong to chastise someone for not reacting politely to outrageous behavior like a good little minority, please google “derailing for dummies” for the “you’re too angry” argument. The proper response to outrageous crap is outrage. And going on to say I should just expect to be attacked on up to rape and death threats? No, I don’t accept that the problem is my tone.

The person also apparently tried posting this comment only to find the posting ability on the account was blocked, so upon using another account to post that comment, the commenter decided to put in an addendum in case I couldn’t figure out that this was a continuation of the conversation I’d already tried to end.

The3rdbirthdays:

Yes it’s me wweworldwrestling again that just wrote that comment. You might block me again but when I write a reply to explain things I don’t appreciate not being able to. In that case you might as well not have replied to me in the first place.

Well, that was civil as far as “OMGF WHY DID U BLOCK MEEEE???” comments go, but I don’t let people get away with telling me I owed them a chance to keep talking when they’ve already made their opinions clear.

Me again:

swankivy:

I wasn’t ignorant of who you are. But considering that I hear comments like yours over and over and over again, I really don’t need to hear about my responsibility to be calm and cool and collected over outrageous behavior from yet another Internet tool. I didn’t understand what you were trying to communicate by calling my video stupid, but now I know, and I don’t have any interest in further discussion with you.

And that’s where it ended.