Everyday Ignorance

emeraldincandescent: knowhomo: LGBTQ* Posts We Love (and Blogs...

Mon, 20 May 2013 16:56:11 -0400

knowhomo:

LGBTQ* Posts We Love (and Blogs We Love to Follow)

Queer Book Club’s Hogwart’s House Reading List

ALL of the following text is from the posts of QueerBookClub.tumblr.com:

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This is the first of four recommended reading lists of queer and queer-ish books, organized by Hogwarts houses! ENJOY.

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
This story of a young woman captured by Nazis during a spy mission in occupied France has repeatedly been called a tour de force and the best novel of last year. Though not explicitly queer, the heart of the story is the deep, loving friendship of two girls.

Diverse Energies edited by Tobias Buckell and Joe Monti.
This collection of dystopian stories starring heroes of color is perfect for the daring, strong-willed wizards of Gryffindor. A handful of the stories also feature queer protagonists or minor characters.

Batwoman: Elegy by Greg Rucka and J.H. Williams III.
What’s more exemplary of good-hearted headstrong Gryffindor spirit than taking up the cape and fighting evil? Besides starring a lesbian superhero, this volume also features an introduction by Rachel Maddow - we will just have to ignore the fact that she’s basically the nation’s Ravenclaw prefect.

When She Woke by Hillary Jordon
This re-imagining of The Scarlet Letter tells the story of Hannah, a woman who finds herself marked as a murderer after an abortion. In this future world, criminals’ skin is colored to indicate the class of their crime. Hannah’s red skin means a life of shame and cruelty - unless she can forge a new path.

Huntress by Malinda Lo
Epic quests. Hostile monsters. The fate of the world. If that’s your kind of story, look no further. Tough, down-to-earth Kaede and gentle, visionary Taisin set out to find out what caused their land to fall into endless cold.

She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan
Let’s not get into tropes about transgender people being so brave. I chose this book for this list because Boylan reminds me of Gryffindor in other ways - considerate but honest, amiable but not self-sacrificing, and, you know, popular. Bestselling, even!

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A Girl’s Guide to Taking Over the World: Writings from the Girl Zine Revolution edited by Karen Green and Tristan Taromino
While this collection of writings from zines of the early 90s riot grrl era and beyond may not be an actual blueprint for world domination, it is just as brash, smart and unapologetic as any Slytherin.

Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz
This story of an isolated teenager’s relationship with a monstrous fish-boy is supposed to be seriously grim. The darkness factor - and the fact that Pottermore tells us that the Slytherin common room windows gives students a view of the creatures the lake - is what makes it a great Slytherin pick.

The Complete Hothead Paisan: Homicidal Lesbian Terrorist by Diane DiMassa
Before some tumblr misandrists were even born, Hothead Paisan was collecting rapists’ spines. Queer Slytherins in need of some guilt-free revenge fantasy should pick this one up - though I implore you to read up on the author’s transmisogyny first.

Sula by Toni Morrison
While not explicitly queer, this story is held together by love between women. Slytherins will likely relate to Sula, a community pariah whose motivations are as incomprehensible to her friends and family as theirs are to her.

Sister Mischief by Laura Goode
Esme Rockett is probably a Gryffindor at heart (they tend to get the leading roles). But she and her friends - outsiders in their lily-white Christian community - employ all their cunning to wreck havoc for the establishment. Sex, drugs and hip-hop make this YA debut a conservative censor’s worst nightmare - or wet dream, maybe.

When You Are Engulfed In Flames by David Sedaris
This contemporary master of the personal essay always manages to come off as judgmental, selfish, petty, loveable and brilliant. Tapping into our dark spots to charm us, Sedaris is an exemplary Slytherin - and skull-centric cover art doesn’t hurt, either.

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Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
This collection of short works on identity, community and authenticity covers a lot of territory - “passing” as related to gender, race, disability, work, nationality, sexuality, and more. Pick it up if you’re itching for more complex perspectives on social justice.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
Besides being an absolute masterpiece of the comics format, Bechdel’s memoir about her cold and inscrutable father earns major Ravenclaw appeal with its highbrow literary allusions. If psychology is more your thing, try her other memoir, Are You My Mother?

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
This book tells the story of two Mexican-American teens - Ari, an angry loner, and Dante, a quirky intellectual - who form a transformative bond and ponder over poetry, philosophy and life’s many mysteries. I haven’t gotten my hands on this one yet, but I’ve been told it’s one of those rare transcendent young adult books, emotionally resonant and masterfully crafted.

Israel/Palestine and the Queer International by Sarah Schulman
This latest work from the prolific author and longtime activist chronicles her travels through Tel Aviv and the West Bank and her growing consciousness of the occupation of Palestine. Read it for a knowledgeable queer perspective on a divisive topic.

Adaptation by Malinda Lo
There’s not much on this list for science aficionados, but hopefully some science fiction will suit you. Did you know Malinda Lo did graduate work on The X-Files? This novel, the first in a forthcoming series, has flavors of the 90s TV show and should delight fans of Mulder and Scully, creepy conspiracies, and queer representation in sci-fi lit.

Transgender History by Susan Stryker
For the history buffs - this concise text on transgender people in America between the mid twentieth century and early twenty-first puts trans communities and movements in historical context and offers a compact but comprehensive chronicle of our stories.

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A Queer and Pleasant Danger: The True Story of a Nice Jewish Boy Who Joins the Church of Scientology and Leaves Twelve Years Later to Become the Lovely Lady She is Today by Kate Bornstein
This newest memoir is actually one of the few of Auntie Kate’s books that I haven’t read, but I couldn’t resist the Hufflepuff-yellow cover. Open, honest and compassionate, Bornstein’s books always feel like a big hug and kiss to outcasts everywhere.

Will Grayson Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan
Green might be the most famous living Puff since he proclaimed it on The Late Late Show. I’m not sure what Levithan’s sorting is, but this book - about two boys with one name, how people come together and how they drift apart - is definitely a good one for us sensitive badgers.

Ask the Passengers by A.S. King
I was tempted at first to prescribe this YA book to Ravenclaws, as its heroine, Astrid, is a philosophy nerd who regularly meets with her invisible friend Socrates. She does, however, nickname him Frank and compare him to a cute dog. Moreover, her questions are more of the heart than the head: How can I be seen for who I am? Why isn’t equality easy? Where can my love be safe?

10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert and Rex Ray
Need a bright dose of hope? Pick up this beautiful children’s book about a young trans girl who finds someone who believes in her dreams and appreciates her for just who she is.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
A great resource for shy or insecure Hufflepuffs who have trouble communicating, or badger activists who want to get their words across without invalidating anyone’s feelings and experiences. If you get too overwhelmed by conversation, I also recommend The Highly Sensitive Person.

Weetzie Bat by Francesca Lia Block
While I strongly prefer the Dangerous Angel books that focus on Witch Baby, Weetzie’s sunny but sensitive disposition is probably more Hufflepuff appropriate. Her naïveté fits perfectly with mainstream perceptions of Puffs, while her big deep loud love for her chosen family is reminiscent of Hufflepuff as I know it.

This is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day.

In Propinquity: Five Common Querying Mistakes

Fri, 17 May 2013 15:34:40 -0400

In Propinquity: Five Common Querying Mistakes:

I blogged on my new blog. This is about five common querying mistakes authors make when trying to approach literary agents. I started this blog separately from my official author site because I want to sometimes post rambly, silly, or cluttery things that aren’t really appropriate on a fairly dignified author site. I just started the blog but it has an intro post and a ramble about my Disney vacation. Other helpful or thoughtful pieces on writing and books will follow regularly, though. Follow it if you’re on Blogspot please, or even if you’re not!

trigger warning: mentions of rape, violence, assault, heterosexism, and ace hate

Thu, 16 May 2013 17:47:00 -0400

toomanylokifeels:

No, I am going to talk about this and you are going to listen.

Asexuals often receive rape threats because people believe that asexual-identifying individuals cannot possibly not want to have sex; even though the idea that asexuality is defined by specifically not wanting to have sex is a false one. (And I’ve explained that here) It is for this reason why I am tired of the constant oppression game people like to play with the asexual community. Are we oppressed? Are we not?

It doesn’t matter, all these arguments do is mask the fact that this unacceptable thing is happening. People actually think that “corrective” rape will change someone’s sexual identity. It starts with people asserting your orientation does not exist, and asexuality is not the only orientation to face/to have faced this. Then people assume things about yourself that “made you the way you are.” Then people move into threats territory. Then people move into the actions part.

There is a real fear even among the asexual community that people who identify as anything other than heterosexual will be harassed and assaulted. They have a reason to be upset and a reason to be afraid, it has happened to many people before. Many people within the asexual community and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole have experienced harassment and assault.

By denying that asexuals exist despite evidence that they in fact do, solely based on your misconceptions and political agendas that have little to do with our identity, you are perpetuating this dangerous mindset that people who do not fit into your idea of what a human being should be, need to be corrected.

My question to you is why then in situations where asexuals become upset over people harassing them, do asexuals get blamed for sticking up for themselves? Why are we not questioning why people think it’s okay to send rape threats to people who identify as such? Why are we not questioning what their problem is, instead of what ‘our’ problem is?

My right to exist and to be safe should supersede your right to say whatever the hell you want. Your words have consequences and the consequences of them should not result in people like me getting harmed. This is more than about hurt feelings. This is an attack on our entire existence.

You do not belong in our spaces. You need not voice your “opinion” on our orientation, it’s not a debatable topic and it is not a matter of conflicting opinions. The fact that you get defensive when asexuals rightfully become upset when you attack them shows that the problems lie with you and not with them. Furthermore, it is not your job to regulate what the asexual community does or says, that is something people within the community can debate and discuss critically.

If I reblogged this every time someone told me if I can’t handle the regular rape threats then “maybe I shouldn’t be on the Internet,” you’d see this about every other week.

And while it certainly doesn’t happen as often in person because of the kinds of people I hang out with, I have absolutely had people strongly proposition me and respond to my refusal by mocking me while walking closer to me menacingly; I have had people refuse to stop touching me when I asked them to stop (on the leg, on the shoulders, once it was my butt) and I had to push them away and try to go elsewhere; and I even had one person start propositioning me in a car and leaned over and LICKED MY FACE while I was stuck in the car, after I said no.

These were conversations and interactions that happened immediately after or during conversations about my orientation, so they were triggered to behave this way by the so-called “challenge” of finding a supposedly attractive woman who was “going to waste” (that has been said to me in a gross way more than once in person).

So people better not try to tell me the unwanted touching and propositioning is just part of the suckage of being a woman and therefore it’s “only” sexism, not a specifically asexual problem. (Though that’s of course sexism and some men’s feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies is part of it.) When you try to remove the additional information about my asexual orientation that seems to have triggered these men to behave this way toward me and claim this is just what men do to women so the only problem we should try to deal with is sexism/misogyny, you are refusing to accept the intersectionality of asexuality and femaleness (in my case), and you’re also suggesting it doesn’t happen to other genders (or else uh well it must be some other prejudice/some other -ism because anti-asexual prejudice just doesn’t happen).

I don’t care what you call it. I don’t care if you believe it doesn’t hurt us enough or clearly enough in a way you recognize to “count” as worthy of attention. I don’t care if you believe our experiences aren’t as bad as someone else’s. What I DO care about is whether it’s acknowledged as a real problem and given the weight it needs to be addressed, rather than treated like we’re exaggerating or lying because we want the special snowflake recognition we’re commonly accused of desiring.

Screw that. Or, rather, don’t.

When I do someone a favor and read their manuscript and they get mad when I give them my honest opinion

Thu, 16 May 2013 13:22:24 -0400

lifeinsmallpresspublishing:

(I’m not always right, but if an editor is telling you it needs an edit, then it needs a fucking edit. Even if it has already been edited.)

Oh my GOD it’s me.

This is why I say no to all those “Hi I’ve never talked to you before but are you cool with reading my book?” people. Because I know I’m evil, and I know people who do this are normally looking for validation and encouragement and cheerleading, not actual feedback.

This is why I work only with very late drafts (not in-progress books or anything that is known to need developmental editing), and this is why I’m reluctant to even give feedback even on someone’s first 250 words. I usually get a lot of “Well you don’t know what you’re talking about” and excuses about how it gets better later or they just finished an edit or everyone else liked it.

If I don’t know what I’m talking about, why did you ask me?

greenchestnuts: laceratedbylife: I don’t get why asexual people have to come out to their parents...

Wed, 15 May 2013 14:13:00 -0400

greenchestnuts:

laceratedbylife:

I don’t get why asexual people have to come out to their parents about their sexuality. How do they even expect this to go down? They’re like: “Mum … Dad … I am asexual.” And then the mother breaks down crying and the father starts yelling: “NO THIS IS NOT HOW WE RAISED YOU HOW WILL WE EVER HAVE A PREGNANT TEENAGE DAUGHTER NOW WHERE DID WE GO WRONG JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THE STDS YOU WON’T CATCH AND HOW WE HAVE PUT ALL OUR HOPES INTO YOU BECOMING A MAJOR SLUT BUT NOW IT’S ALL LOST WE ARE SO DISAPPOINTED!” … or what?!

I came out to mine because they thought I was straight. Why would I want to keep pretending that for years and years?

The word “phase” was thrown around, even though I was in my twenties by that point, and had been in LTRs with men as a “straight” woman. Funny, no one ever told me that was a phase, or that I was too young to know.

I don’t share this often because it’s horrifying and probably embarrassing for the person it involves, but I’ll tell it here because I am really damn sick of people suggesting it’s ABSURD for us to come out or ABSURD for us to suggest anyone would ever attack us over our identity.

Trigger warning for pretty horrible anti-asexual statements and language.

One night on New Year’s Eve I brought up asexuality with a family member and suddenly the lighthearted discussion of a television show was hijacked by a stream of unprecedented (from this person) angry accusations toward me. Suddenly I was being told I was only asexual because I was afraid of intimacy, but that I get off on male attention.

I was a bit stunned by this and said it wasn’t even close to true, and that’s when this person began yelling across the room at me saying “You’re nothing but a cocktease. Just a cocktease. You bend over and let men look down your shirt and wear pretty clothes to get them excited, and then you push them away because this ‘asexual’ thing is just an excuse. You’re NOTHING but A COCKTEASE.”

When I tried to somehow reply to this I got more shouting about how like “everything else in my life” my asexuality is “actually just fear-based” because I clearly can’t handle intimacy, and then a rant about another person in our family (who was gay) came pouring out, about how he was “actually” just afraid of women. (This came as a huge shock to me because this person had always before—and, actually, ever since—seemed very supportive of gay rights.) This person then compared me to the gay family member again, reiterated that it’s a dead giveaway that I like being a tease because I wear clothes that look nice on me, and just started repeating like a mantra “You’re a cocktease, nothing but a cocktease, COCKTEASE.”

It was New Year’s Eve in the middle of the night so I couldn’t go anywhere. (I also don’t drive.) I had nothing to say to this and ended up lying down on the floor and crying until I fell asleep.

In the morning the person pretended it hadn’t happened.

Even though the person being sort of drunk probably facilitated this rant coming out, I now know of course that this is a belief they have always and probably will always hold about me—that this is not a real experience, that I am actually manipulating and teasing men with my body and LOVING it, and that being something other than heterosexual is a lie. This also was not said by some random distant relative. It was someone who helped raise me and who is still in my life regularly as an adult woman.

I was already firmly established as an adult and an asexuality awareness activist, had been through many interviews and plenty of abuse on the Internet, and yet when someone close to me went after me like this in such a gross way, I couldn’t even speak and was reduced to a horrible helpless ball of tears. It’s definitely the worst reaction I’ve ever had and I didn’t expect it in a million years. If that’s how it affected ME, I shudder to think what less prepared, less confident, younger people go through if their parents are even less sympathetic about non-heterosexual identities.

And let’s not kid ourselves, dammit; you can claim all you want that NOOO IT’S ONLY GAYNESS THAT MAKES PEOPLE MAD but if you’re saying that, you haven’t been us. You don’t get to say how horrifying something has to be, laughing at our subjective experiences and objectively categorizing them as “nothing,” before you will acknowledge that it damn well is something that can scar a person for life and ruin relationships.

I may delete this later because I don’t even want to see it on my blog, so read it while you can.

Went to Disney World with my bestie and her family. Thought...

Tue, 14 May 2013 16:47:00 -0400

Tofutti ice cream sandwich, with li'l Benjamin

Family dinner at Trail's End

Ben is not 8 oil cans tall yet. But at least he can ride!

Ben was so excited for Pirates of the Caribbean!

Cold on the beach, Katie/Meg/Ben, waiting for fireworks!

Being silly in Canada World Showcase/EPCOT.

Benny and I are on a boat! Going to Magic Kingdom!

Katelyn and Meghan got their ice cream!

Katelyn/Benjamin/Meghan on a boat to EPCOT!

Benny will have a wild time, I promise.

Went to Disney World with my bestie and her family. Thought I’d show you the best pictures that actually have people in them. :) (I mostly took pictures of “stuff.”)

My mother the random petty thief

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:42:32 -0400

cupcakearrow:

swankivy:

Figured I should tell a Weirdass Mom story considering what day it is.

So my mom likes to steal small items. Not from stores—she once punished my sister severely for getting caught doing that—but from places she perceives to deserve it.

The most common victims of my mom’s petty theft are restaurants. Her cabinets are full of mismatched dishware, especially stuff like condiment dishes and decorative beverage receptacles. Once she walked out of a restaurant with a huge mug under her coat. The guy at the door saw what she was doing and said, “Enjoy the mug!” She replied “I will!” with no shame and continued out.

She tells people that she collects salt and pepper shakers. Almost all of the sets in her shadowbox are stolen from restaurants or airplanes. When she has people over, she gives everyone their own set of tiny salt and pepper shakers.

When I read this behavior as hypocritical in my early teens, I asked her to justify it and she said she does it because restaurants are overcharging her for food and she believes they owe it to her. When I reminded her that restaurants are charging not only for the food but for the labor involved in cooking it, cleaning up after you, and providing tableside service, she said “Oh, shut up.” (She is also a pretty obnoxious customer, often either giving the server a hard time for no reason OR, if they’re male, sexually harassing them—suggesting my sister wants his number, leaving him dirty notes, or trying to dispose of a napkin by sticking it down his pants, etc.)

The other type of place she frequently steals from is doctor’s offices. Not magazines or whatever, though. She swipes their instruments.

My mom has swiped an entire set of dental tools, lots of syringes, surgical tools, and some anesthesia. Sometimes little supplies like wipes or sample packs. I’d almost forgotten she did that until I had minor surgery last October and let her come in with me, and she went through the cabinets while I was on the table waiting for the doctor.

She uses these items to perform minor surgery, usually on herself. Don’t ask. ::shrug::

Please never take your mother to my coffee shop. We *are* overcharging for coffee, but for fucks sake we barely make over minimum wage (and her waiters usually make WAY THE FUCK LESS) and we’re the ones that get in trouble for stuff being stolen and for having angry customers, even when we literally did nothing wrong and did everything in our power to diffuse the situation without being fired.

Also customers who hit on me make me highly uncomfortable and I can’t just tell them to fuck off because I have to be “nice”.

Pro-tip to people going anywhere: 75% of the time, your waitress/waiter/barista/server/cashier is not the person you want to yell at/be shitty to because they literally cannot do anything about what you’re mad about and will get in trouble when you yell at them.

This has been a rant from your local customer service worker.

Agree times 1000. My first job was in a restaurant, and HER first job was in a restaurant, so it’s weird. (Actually I think there are two kinds of people who work in restaurants: The ones who realize how difficult it is and NEVER mistreat servers after that, and the ones who feel like they put in their time getting abused and now it’s THEIR turn. I despise when people are in the second camp.)

I tell her to stop what she’s doing when I see her doing it. Usually she thinks it’s hilarious because she believes this is about “embarrassing” me. For some reason the idea that she might “embarrass” her kid is super fun times for her, and she brags to others like “Oh, my kids, they just don’t even want to be seen with me, I’m so wild.” You know, drawing us up like we’re oversensitive and that’s a big joke. But I don’t think it’s a joke at all to do the stuff she does.

But if I try to tell her why what she’s doing is wrong, she just tells me I’m no fun and continues to act how she’s always acted. In that way we’re pretty different people. She doesn’t actually think about how she may be ruining someone’s night because “it’s fun, lighten up.” I on the other hand know how easy it is to just want to throw yourself on the floor and curl into a ball because of a jackass customer, and it sucks that sometimes it is my mom.

My mother the random petty thief

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:44:10 -0400

Figured I should tell a Weirdass Mom story considering what day it is.

So my mom likes to steal small items. Not from stores—she once punished my sister severely for getting caught doing that—but from places she perceives to deserve it.

The most common victims of my mom’s petty theft are restaurants. Her cabinets are full of mismatched dishware, especially stuff like condiment dishes and decorative beverage receptacles. Once she walked out of a restaurant with a huge mug under her coat. The guy at the door saw what she was doing and said, “Enjoy the mug!” She replied “I will!” with no shame and continued out.

She tells people that she collects salt and pepper shakers. Almost all of the sets in her shadowbox are stolen from restaurants or airplanes. When she has people over, she gives everyone their own set of tiny salt and pepper shakers.

When I read this behavior as hypocritical in my early teens, I asked her to justify it and she said she does it because restaurants are overcharging her for food and she believes they owe it to her. When I reminded her that restaurants are charging not only for the food but for the labor involved in cooking it, cleaning up after you, and providing tableside service, she said “Oh, shut up.” (She is also a pretty obnoxious customer, often either giving the server a hard time for no reason OR, if they’re male, sexually harassing them—suggesting my sister wants his number, leaving him dirty notes, or trying to dispose of a napkin by sticking it down his pants, etc.)

The other type of place she frequently steals from is doctor’s offices. Not magazines or whatever, though. She swipes their instruments.

My mom has swiped an entire set of dental tools, lots of syringes, surgical tools, and some anesthesia. Sometimes little supplies like wipes or sample packs. I’d almost forgotten she did that until I had minor surgery last October and let her come in with me, and she went through the cabinets while I was on the table waiting for the doctor.

She uses these items to perform minor surgery, usually on herself. Don’t ask. ::shrug::

YouTube conversation with Sarah G

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:40:00 -0400

So Sarah G had this to say on my asexuality “overview” video:

Sarah G:

My doctor told me being asexual is something most people get over when they meet the right person. I went almost 5 years without being attracted to anyone I was an asexual by definition.

Yes, the same annoying old crap. But unlike most ignorant people, she also took it upon herself to private-message me to continue rambling about how asexuality isn’t real because her therapist said so and she was cured.

Sarah G:

H-e-l-l-o swankivy I was an asexual because I didn’t want to have sex, but i found out it was because i had ocd and had germ issues my psy told me that being asexual is something most people usually get over and end up falling in love later in life. I was not attracted to anyone from the age of 16-19 but i found a cute guy. . that I found and we have been together since, I think you just never found the right person swankivy, don’t stop looking„,I thought i was a lesbian cuz i wasn’t attracted but it is something you get overIm actually a bisexual and like girl too and your cute you will find the right guy or maybe or most likely your gay and will find the right girl. I was kinda freaked out about being attracted to both male and female but it happens. But yeah i was an asexual for some time and it was miserable and lonely but it was something i was. anyone can change anyone.

I’ve said it before, but it’s amazing how much fail people can pack into so few characters. Asexuality is about “not wanting to have sex”! You “got over it” at nineteen after thinking you were asexual for a whole few years! Your therapist must be right that people “get over it” because they’re an authority! I need to “keep looking”! I’m cute so I’ll find someone! I’m most likely gay actually! Being asexual is “miserable and lonely”! Anyone can change!

Jesus.

I replied with this to her public comment:

Not every therapist is asexual-friendly, obviously. People who professionally study sexuality do recognize its existence as a legitimate sexual orientation. It’s very wrong to tell your patients that they’ll “get over” their identity; listening to the patient and not being dismissive is very important. As for you, people sometimes have the wrong label or find their sexuality is fluid, and that’s fine. It’s also not an excuse to assume everyone else will one day change to something else.

And I replied to her private message with this:

What I hear from your story is that you figured out you aren’t asexual. When you were still a teenager. Possibly with the help of a psychiatrist. I don’t see what that has to do with me. I’ll thank you to please never assume your experience is likely to predict someone else’s, but you DEFINITELY should never tell people that they aren’t qualified to figure out their own feelings.

“You just never found the right person” is a very silly thing to say to me. If someone I met seemed sexually attractive to me, I’d change what I call myself. But that’s never happened and I’m 35, so the label I use is “asexual.” I’ll keep calling myself that until or unless it doesn’t fit me anymore. I didn’t “decide” not to be attracted to people or close myself off to other experiences. And I am in no way miserable or lonely. So please do not try to convince me that I’m going to change. It’s really pointless, because I’ve made no decision “against” doing so.

She then proceeded to send me three separate private messages in response.

Message 1:

swankivy gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man

Message 2:

Well my therapist told me that approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person. So being asexual is extremely rare if not impossible according to my doctor. According to him a lot of asexual just enjoy being single, which i can agree with because i did enjoy it as well. But I really don’t wanna tell you the truth I’m just saying

Message 3:

Your a cool chick tho swankivy love u tho lol sorry dude be who you are lol, I’m just a fool here lol

Oh my god. It’s “jeez you’re overreacting, all I did was invalidate your identity and say you’ll get over it, so why are you so ANGRY?” again. ::eyeroll::

I replied, of course.

Regarding “gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man”—I do not know why you think I’m “getting mad” if I answer you.

“Professional therapists” do not necessarily accept asexuality, and I mentioned that already. They are human beings and they can be wrong. I don’t know whether you’re completely making up “approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person” or whether the “professional therapist” actually said that, but either way, that statistic is complete nonsense. If you believe otherwise, quote me the study. But I know you cannot quote me the study, because no such study has been done. If a professional therapist is quoting you percentage figures on how many asexual people “actually end up finding the right person” in order to invalidate the orientation, they are being extremely irresponsible. Real professionals don’t make up numbers to suggest other people are more likely than not to be wrong about themselves.

If you would like to actually know what people who study sexuality say about asexuality, you should do the research before telling other people “my therapist says your feelings are impossible.” Start with Anthony Bogaert’s work, and then perhaps you’d like to read the asexuality-related papers on asexuality’s legitimacy and further study by authors such as Lori Brotto, Kristin Scherrer, Morag Allison Yule, Gail Knudson, Jess Inskip, Katherine Rhodes; Yvonne Erskine, Nicole Prause, Cynthia A. Graham, Lily Hughes, Mark Carrigan, Karli Cerankowski, Megan Milks, CJ DeLuzio Chasin, Eunjung Kim, Breanne Fahs, Ela Przybylo, Dudley L. Poston, Jr., Amanda K. Baumle, Stephanie B. Gazzola, and Melanie A. Morrison. I am naming names here. These are people who SPECIALIZE in sexuality studies who explicitly discuss asexuality without claiming it is “impossible” or “temporary until they find the right person.” None of them would dream of pulling a percentage out of the air like you (or your therapist) did.

I’m also not sure why you seem to be conflating asexuality with being SINGLE, because those are not the same thing, but you don’t actually seem to know what asexuality is in the first place if you or your therapist or both believe it’s all about what we call ourselves until we can get a date. Plenty of asexual people have found romantic partners they are romantically attracted to, but still aren’t sexually attracted to them. That’s what asexuality is. I think (again) that this troubling ignorance of yours can be cured with education. Google those names I gave you, or ask me for titles, or look at the academic and scientific discussion of asexuality at Asexual Explorations (http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/), Asexuality Studies (http://asexualitystudies.org/), or The Asexual Sexologist (http://asexualsexologist.wordpress.com/).

And since you’ve already reacted once with the “gosh you’re so ANGRY” response, I’ll remind you here that a thorough reply to something as ignorant as what you’ve said to me is not “being angry.” In case you did not notice, I have devoted a LOT of time and effort to making asexuality videos to combat misconceptions like the ones you have. It is clearly an issue that matters to me. Do not write to me to accuse me of overreacting or “getting angry” when you clearly believe you have every right to repeatedly comment on my videos and privately message me with ignorant statements designed to invalidate my identity.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t all. She didn’t reply to this, but what she DID do was go to my other completely unrelated writing channel, find a completely unrelated video on literary criticism, and post this:

Sarah G:

I think thats cool that more asexual people are coming out on youtube. But my doctor told me its something a lot of people get over when they meet the right person thats what I’m confused about, I actually “was” an asexual but not anymore its kinda a choice because you can do what you want have sex with who you want or not have sex with anyone according to my doctor.

But honestly i went about 5 years without being attracted to anyone, then i met the right guy, and eventually the right girl. Im in an open relationship right now. Which is weird considering i didn’t want to have sex with anyone 5 years ago now Im open to anything.

So basically Sarah decided she not only needed to repeat her message, but that she ought to go on my writing channel—which doesn’t discuss asexuality at all—and start posting bullshit that echoes her previous bullshit. I cannot imagine what possesses these assholes to INVENT reasons to harass asexual people on the Internet.

So I said this to her:

Sarah, I already addressed this with you in the comments on my other video and the private conversation we had. You are not listening at all and you’re just repeating everything you already said—everything I already debunked. Stop pretending you’re commenting just to say it’s “cool” that we’re on YouTube, because you’re clearly just here to harass me. You do not want to have an actual conversation. Stop being an annoying troll and get a life.

I blocked her on both channels and I hope she just gives up. Given the repeated private messages and the attempt to engage me in inappropriate places, she might be the type to find my other contact info and start harassing me elsewhere, but probably not. I’m so done.

ETA: Yep, she went after me on Twitter since she couldn’t comment anymore on YouTube. Oddly enough she is not Sarah G there; she is “Carl Johnson.” I don’t know either. She tweeted me these two things:

@CarlJoh60950300

@swankivy learn to take criticism i know you think your smarter than everyone but your not, in fact a lot of therapist dnt buy asexual
@swankivy if you can’t debate people swank then maybe you should just block all comments to began with…people feel strongly bout asexual

LOL at the concept of me not being able to debate people. Oh gee it must be because I just can’t take it or can’t defend myself. That or I HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO KEEP HEARING YOUR BULLSHIT WHEN YOU’RE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER WITHOUT LISTENING TO ME. And you’re totally allowed to repeatedly harass me because you “feel strongly” about how my orientation isn’t really a thing.

I tweeted this:

@CarlJoh60950300 It’s not “failing to take criticism” when you won’t stop spamming me with “your orientation isn’t real.” Stop stalking me.

All stories must include romance!

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:20:33 -0400

Anonymous asked you:

Hey Swankivy. I was just wondering, what’s your take on people who constantly nag at putting a love interest for either the main character, or one of meny main characters? In a story i’m working on the main character’s best friend is more favored over to a group of friends I showed it too. Though, they ask me: “Where is his girlfriend? Or wife?…Or is he and [Main Character’s Name] Secretly in love with each other?” My main character is a guy, so is the best friend. It just kind of annoys me…

Uh, my “take on” people who insist that all stories must have a front-and-center romance is that they are very annoying and they should stop trying to police the content of your stories.

However, I do acknowledge that compulsory sexuality (and the romance that usually leads up to those sexual relationships) is a reality in our society, so there are two ways to deal with it realistically in fiction.

1. If you have a major character who is not romantically involved and his world is anything like our world, his lack of relationships or intimacy will not go uncommented by other characters throughout your story unless there are extenuating circumstances (world-shattering stakes, wars, time-sensitive missions, or complete lack of possible partners).

In the “real world,” people expect other people to want and to have romantic relationships. If your character is aromantic, this will probably come up at some point in his interaction with others, and it’s actually pretty cool to address it once in a while. You don’t have to make it “the issue” at all—kind of like somebody’s race or religion or national origin can be authentically part of them and part of how they are seen in the larger world without forcing the story into being an “issue book.” It doesn’t have to be portrayed as a bizarre or weird aspect of the character. But to be realistic, a character who does not engage in romantic relationships should probably have at least a couple discussions of that absence (whether it’s someone kidding him over it, someone attacking him over it, someone just asking him about it, or him just volunteering that he’s not involved with anyone packaged with how he feels about that).

Long story short: with an aromantic character (or a character who just isn’t in a romantic relationship), that question will probably come up in his real life just as often as it comes up from your readers, so one good way of addressing it is to answer those questions in the story instead of getting annoyed that people are asking them.

2. Or you could sort of write in a semi-utopia. What I mean by that is that if you desire, your fictional society could be NOT our society. They may not have the same norms, so perhaps in your universe it would be WEIRD to just “expect” everyone to be romantically involved unless there’s a “reason.”

Doing this is tricky, because some readers will always interpret it as “unrealistic” even if it is internally consistent. Internal consistency is always the most important thing in creating a world, but sometimes if the world is enough like ours, people will expect the social, political, and historical details to be identical when they don’t have to be. You can sometimes avoid the criticism by lampshading the issue a bit; in other words, create opportunities for showcasing the norms of your world and how they differ from ours by making explicit statements about them. (It’s sometimes tough to do this without either confusing people or leaving too many rough edges so it seems constructed, but it’s possible. Author Philip Pullman does this very well.)

An example of a “semi-utopia” I think was done well was David Levithan’s Boy Meets Boy, which involves a gay main character who seems to live in a town where homophobia mostly doesn’t exist and it’s treated like it would be really silly to treat gay people any differently than people of any other orientation.

I know some people reacted to this with “OMG the author is totally ignoring and downplaying homophobia in this book, therefore I CANNOT believe in it as an authentic story!” but in the internal consistency of the book, that’s “how things are.” (Again, it’s tricky to write a world with a different norm; it has to have roots. Levithan mostly did this by showing the town as a pocket of tolerance and other cities as having homophobia problems that seem ridiculous to the local folks, as well has having a minority of secretly homophobic characters within the town.) I have a full review of Boy Meets Boy on Goodreads for the curious. And incidentally the author is gay, and when asked about the strange pocket of tolerance he created and whether this is an alternate world or something, he stated that really it’s his vision of where we’re going—where we’ll be one day (while not explicitly being an alternate universe, a sci-fi concept, or an “issue book”; that’s just not the point).

So, tl;dr: Don’t accept that you must include romance in stories for them to be realistic, but if you do not choose to include it, either acknowledge its absence in-story or create a world in which romance’s absence is normal.

I need some advice...I've been dating a sexual person for a while. She knows I am asexual, and has asked me to explain that once or twice (which I have, hopefully not too badly). She's never tried to push me or anything, but I can tell she's getting sexually frustrated and I have no idea what to do about that. I still love her, but I'm really not comfortable engaging in sexual activity. Any tips?

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:56:00 -0400

I’d say the first important thing is (of course) communication; you say you “can tell” that she’s getting sexually frustrated, but I think hearing what she’s feeling in words would be helpful in deciding what you want to do about it.

So. If you will not have any kind of sex and she believes sex is a requirement in a working relationship, you are sexually incompatible and you’ll have to figure out how and whether to compromise. Compromises in this kind of relationship sometimes involve asking the person who does desire sex what she would like to do and whether you’d be willing to do it; if you won’t have sex, perhaps you’d still be willing to engage in other physical experiences (possibly including manual genital contact) that she’d like, or maybe you’d be willing to use toys with her, or maybe she’d enjoy it if you watched her use a toy.

If that isn’t satisfactory for her OR you aren’t willing to do those things, you might also talk about whether either of you has an issue with an open relationship or poly relationships, so that she could satisfy her needs with another person while continuing to be devoted to you. (These kinds of relationships can be more complicated, especially if you’ve never navigated them before, but maybe think about it.)

And finally, sometimes being sexually incompatible is not a relationship killer. Just like some ace people are willing to compromise and have sex even if they don’t desire it, some non-ace people are willing to forgo sex completely in long-term relationships, and even though they might say it would be ideal if their partner desired them sexually, it’s not the number one priority in their lives. Each partnership needs to be able to decide what’s negotiable and what’s a deal-breaker, and not all non-ace people are going to draw a line in the sand and say “sex MUST happen or I’m gone, period.” Remember it is okay if you have contradictory deal-breakers; not every relationship can work through such an issue, and neither of you is a failure or to blame if you can’t work it out.

Feminist Ace Problems: When a feminist blogger you've liked and followed since you got a Tumblr account suddenly reveals a raging hatred of asexual people

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:35:08 -0400

terra-promessa:

And claims that the concept of asexuality in women, particularly women of color, is “harmful” because it’s just internalized misogyny and the patriarchy WANTS us to be asexual.

I’ve heard this argument roughly a million times before and it never ceases to amaze me with its stupidity. Seriously, where the fuck is this supposed planet where women are fully accepted and even praised for being asexual? Because I’d move there in a heartbeat.

News flash: the patriarchy doesn’t want women to be asexual; it wants them to be heterosexual. Patriarchy WANTS women to feel sexual attraction and desire, but said desire must be PASSIVE and oriented entirely towards straight men. As a woman you are not allowed to assert and articulate your own desires regarding love, sex and relationships; you must instead be receptive toward whatever it is that straight men want. Deviance in either direction is punished. Any assertion of sexual agency, whether it’s expressing your own sexual desires or expressing the fact that you LACK sexual desires, will result in endless shaming and harassment. To anyone who has spent any amount of time Living While Female, this should be really, really fucking obvious.

My ENTIRE. LIFE. as an out asexual person—specifically an out asexual woman—has been a never-ending cacophony of random-ass people taking my sexual orientation as some kind of personal insult or feeling threatened by it to the point where they feel the need to frantically bully me in an effort to shut me up. Either it’s misogynist straight men who are convinced that sex is literally what women are FOR and who get extremely angry about asexuality because it forces them to confront the fact that women were not put on earth to exist as potential sexual partners for them (I have been stalked, harassed and threatened with rape by such men, so I’m well acquainted with this particular mentality), or misguided “feminists” who think that gaslighting me about the way I experience love and attraction or telling me to have sex I don’t want is somehow an acceptable, even progressive thing to do.

And what absolutely KILLS me about some of these women is that they’ll talk at length about the problems within the sex-positive movement and the way it tends to promote rape culture tropes in the guise of progressivism, but then the moment asexuality enters into the equation they suddenly become as rabid as the worst of the sex-pozzers and this hypocrisy generally goes unchallenged.

I’m so sick and tired of dealing with this bullshit, I could scream. You cannot be a feminist who claims to advocate for women and promote women’s sexual agency and then spend your time shitting on asexual women. YOU CANNOT.

(If anyone wants to know who this person is so you can block them, message me and I’ll give you their url. I’m reluctant to post it publicly because as repulsive as this person’s beliefs are, I do not want people sending them hate, ESPECIALLY given the likelihood that a lot of the hate might be centered on the fact that they’re a WOC and identify as a feminist. On the other hand they’re fairly well-known on Tumblr and have a lot of followers, so I’m torn as to what I should do. Advice?)

Very eloquently expressed capsule understanding of what it’s like to be an ace woman in this world, terra-promessa. I relate very much, since half the time people are offended on some visceral level that I do not desire sex and the other half the time people waste their time telling me how sad it is that I’m wasting my time on this awareness nonsense (since, you know, THEY don’t see an “actual” problem, so I’m being silly by claiming I experience pushback nearly every time I’m honest about myself).

After seeing that recent post, I have a quick question. I'm planning to come out to my family once I'm in college, in about a year and a half. I'm hoping to just casually drop it into a conversation, because I'm about 80% sure they'll be supportive. The problem? I think my mother will be TOO supportive. I've always had a sneaking suspicion she wants to be a ~cool mom~ of a queer kid. But I don't feel like sexuality is a big deal. How can I get her to tone it down if this happens?

Wed, 01 May 2013 14:27:34 -0400

Hm, that’s interesting … I’m not sure how to make someone tone it down. Maybe if she starts making lots of noise about it, you can say “Okay, Mom, glad you support me. But it kind of makes me uncomfortable if you do X.” Other than that, you can’t really control what she says or does in response. If it really becomes embarrassing or a problem, you might try asking her to please talk about your sexuality in the same way/same amount/with the same enthusiasm as she would if you were straight. You can justify this by saying we really don’t want to be treated differently and that even if the behavior is supportive, it’s also othering and alienating when she dumps her effusive enthusiasm on you. You have a right to ask people to stop making you uncomfortable if they’re doing so for any reason, but beyond that, I guess there’s not a lot you can do if she won’t respond in a more down-to-earth way.

metapianycist: nextstepcake: greenchestnuts: emeraldincandescent: voltafiish: I think it’s...

Wed, 01 May 2013 01:18:00 -0400

metapianycist:

nextstepcake:

greenchestnuts:

emeraldincandescent:

voltafiish:

I think it’s kinda of gross that all these people are coming and going “UGH YOU’RE HAVING SEX WRONG”

like i thought no one cared about the sex aces were having?

where are those people anyway?

cause apparently people are caring about the hypothetical sex nextstepcake is having?

you see

aces cannot win

ever

“if you don’t have sex with your partner you’re being abusive!”

“if you consent to sex with your partner but don’t necessarily enjoy it you’re being used as a masturbatory tool!”

what happened to

“NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE SEX YOU’RE HAVING/NOT HAVING”

clearly ya’ll do

cause ya’ll coming out of the motherfucking woodworks to tell people what they can and cannot do in their goddamn relationships

And of course you can’t enjoy sex if you don’t experience sexual attraction. Clearly the only way for us to win is to have lots of happy enthusiastic sex with people we’re sexually attracted to. That is, to not be asexual at all. I wish they’d have the guts to just come out and say it to our faces, honestly. I’m getting a headache trying to keep track of all the ways whatever we do is wrong.

Those are both very good points.

This is why I can’t take seriously the people who “nobody cares if you’re asexual - nobody cares about what you do in the bedroom”. Hah. I wish I lived in their fantasy world.

^ This.

Very well said, Fiish and others in the thread. So many times I’ve been told “oh you guys are silly for wanting awareness efforts because nobody is harassing you and nobody cares if you have sex so shut up.” And then so many times I’ve been told “asexual people can’t have sex or they’re not asexual,” and if I explain the difference between sexual attraction and sexual intercourse, they lecture me on how that’s not how it works etc. Clearly they care, and are out to either shame us for withholding sex or shame us for depriving a hypothetical partner of the sex they deserve under the conditions they demand. Whee! I love when they deny my experience of being constantly challenged and pestered and propositioned (because yeah, that’s totally “nobody cares and everyone is fine with it if you don’t want to do it”), and also speak for the “needs” of PEOPLE WHO ARE HYPOTHETICAL and PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTIVELY SAYING “actually my ace partner and I have figured stuff out so we’re both happy, it’s cool.”

Live and let live is really simple, you guys.

Hi! A while back you had a post about writing books that discussed somewhere in it the typical expected word count range that agents/publishers look for? That was worded poorly, but I hope you understand which post I mean. I've been digging through your archives and I can't find it, so I was wondering if you knew which post I meant or could briefly recap the information? Thanks!

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 18:48:55 -0400

I don’t know of a post like that, actually. I don’t remember discussing that subject.

Oddly enough, though, one of the blogs I recently added to my blogroll has an old post that discusses that question. Check out “On word counts and novel length” on The Swivet.

psycho-shop: Finding Asexual Characters swankivy: greenchestnuts: There’s always a lot of...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:42:00 -0400

psycho-shop:

Finding Asexual Characters

swankivy:

greenchestnuts:

There’s always a lot of discussion around of major TV characters (such as Sherlock and Sheldon Cooper, for example) being asexual. So I thought I’d put together a list of four other, perhaps lesser known characters – from books, movies, TV, web comics – who are either named as asexual (in one case), strongly implied to be asexual, or at least could easily be asexual in my mind. Please feel free to add any of your own!

From Jo at A Life Unexamined!

I left a comment on the article itself too, but there are other explicitly asexual characters in television. The OP got Poppy from Huge, which is neato, but every time this question comes around and I point out that explicitly asexual characters who use the word “asexual” are on two other TV shows, nobody seems to pick up on it and start including it in the lists. I’m not sure why that is.

Godiva’s, a canceled show from Canada, had an asexual guy character, though I have not seen it.

Shortland Street, an extremely popular New Zealand soap, has an asexual biromantic man whose “asexuality storyline” is compiled together on YouTube in a playlist for you to watch. (You get to watch Gerald struggle in his relationship, discover asexuality, start identifying that way, and go on lots of ups and downs with what asexuality means in his life. There are a couple questionable things but overall it’s actually done pretty well.)

Also, Tab Kimpton, the webcomic artist responsible for the great LGBT webcomic Khaos Komix, now has the new comic Shades of A. You can read it here. Not only is its main character asexual, but he’s an asexual man of color (I believe Pakistani?) named Anwar. (I haven’t read all of this, just the first few pages.)

What is the obsession with trying to find asexual characters in literature, moveis, and TV shows? Like I get how we all want everyone to recognize asexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation, but I mean- there are a lot of dragons in video games and that doesn’t make them any more real.

Additionally, it’s obnoxious and it seems like you’re all just desperate for attention.

~asexualwonder

No. We are not desperate for attention if we’re asking about where we can see ourselves represented.

Here’s the thing. New Zealand included an asexual character on one of its most popular soaps. Guess what country has a really vibrant and populous asexual community? New Zealand. Because having an asexual character NOT jumping on for a one-shot and actually showing an asexual character living an actual life as part of a regular cast *raised awareness* about the *existence* of the orientation, and made more people realize what their orientation was. It. Helped.

And then meanwhile, the USA goes and puts two asexual characters in an episode of House. Diagnosed one as suffering from a pituitary tumor at the end, and the other as having been lying about being asexual so she wouldn’t make her husband feel inadequate. That’s the kind of representation asexual people are used to getting, and yet even though it was negative representation, it resulted in a record amount of traffic for AVEN right after it aired. Unfortunately it also caused some people with asexual friends and loved ones to start pestering the asexual people in their lives to go to doctors, and many forum threads and blog posts wrote up the experience of having their supporters turn on them because of it. It. Hurt.

I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would suggest someone is—in a negative sense—acting “desperate” and “obsessed” if they want the media to realistically acknowledge their existence in the world. If you personally don’t care that you’re not represented, that’s cool. But if you’re going to bring up desperation, I think we do “desperately” need the media to reflect our existence. Media is how our world talks to itself. If we’re not included in it, most people believe we don’t exist. Walking around trying to participate in a culture that behaves as if you don’t exist is not a small problem. So when asexual people ask about where they can see themselves in the world of media, please do not mock them. They want this because they’d like to be able to point to something that acknowledges their existence, show their loved ones a fictionalized version of their problems just like the ones every other orientation has, and see it themselves so they’re reminded they’re not alone.

That’s not silly, misplaced obsession. It’s a reasonable expectation.

Consent shaming debacle

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:21:09 -0400

queenieofaces:

Trigger warnings: rape, sexual assault, Queenie being angry at people

The whole consent shaming debacle* has made me pretty frustrated with everyone and everything. I am well-aware that getting involved in this thing is an exercise in futility, but I have to say something or else I will explode (and that would be messy).

If you remove aces’ sexual agency, you not only do a disservice to aces who consent to sex (despite lacking attraction to their partner(s)), you do a huge disservice to aces who have actually been raped or sexually assaulted. If you deny someone’s ability to say yes, you also deny their ability to say no. And so any ace who has been assaulted is getting the message that of course they were assaulted, because that’s what happens to aces (gosh, didn’t they read the fine print?). It doesn’t matter if they said no, it doesn’t matter if they were in a situation in which they were literally unable to consent (such as being unconscious), it doesn’t matter if their partner(s) violated previously established boundaries, because by refusing to admit their sexual agency, you denied their ability to even establish those boundaries. You are lumping together every ace survivor of sexual assault and rape with every ace who has had consensual but somewhat awkward or fumbling sex, and even (as I’ve seen argued in some of the particularly heinous responses) with every ace who has ever enthusiastically consented to mutually enjoyable sex.

That is not okay. Stop. Asexuality does not void a person’s ability to consent (or not) to sexual activity as they (not you) see fit.

*Starting post here. If you’ve somehow managed to avoid this, you’re probably better off that way, although nextstepcake has managed to respond with significantly more eloquence and poise than I would ever be able to.

Very good. My conversation not too long ago with a person who just couldn’t accept that asexual people can have sex without it being rape shows that there are people who do not understand this and want to assign our community one set of feelings that describes how we all feel about sex.

On Mary Sues: From my writing channel.

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 11:38:09 -0400

On Mary Sues: From my writing channel.

First Novel: So You Write, number 23. Seriously. I thought it...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 01:02:00 -0400

First Novel: So You Write, number 23.

Seriously. I thought it would be hilarious to read over my first novel and giggle over how adorably incompetent I was. Let’s just say there was nothing cute about it whatsoever. It was blisteringly, depressingly, horrifyingly bad, and to be honest if I’d read a freshman work of this quality by a teen today, I’d be tempted to say “this person has no future in writing.” Happily, even the most embarrassingly awful writers can become accomplished novelists if they practice (and, as always, if they keep reading). I’m living proof. I think.

[Image 1: Girl with long blonde hair takes a stack of paper out of a box, looking happy. Thought bubble says “Oh wow, it’s my first novel from when I was 14!”]

[Image 2: Girl smiles and thinks, “Haha, let’s re-read it and see how bad I was!”]

[Image 3: Girl silently looks dismayed.]

[Image 4: Girl bows her head in shame. Thought bubble says “I will burn it. No one must ever know.”]

Finding Asexual Characters

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:42:24 -0400

Finding Asexual Characters:

greenchestnuts:

There’s always a lot of discussion around of major TV characters (such as Sherlock and Sheldon Cooper, for example) being asexual. So I thought I’d put together a list of four other, perhaps lesser known characters – from books, movies, TV, web comics – who are either named as asexual (in one case), strongly implied to be asexual, or at least could easily be asexual in my mind. Please feel free to add any of your own!

From Jo at A Life Unexamined!

I left a comment on the article itself too, but there are other explicitly asexual characters in television. The OP got Poppy from Huge, which is neato, but every time this question comes around and I point out that explicitly asexual characters who use the word “asexual” are on two other TV shows, nobody seems to pick up on it and start including it in the lists. I’m not sure why that is.

Godiva’s, a canceled show from Canada, had an asexual guy character, though I have not seen it.

Shortland Street, an extremely popular New Zealand soap, has an asexual biromantic man whose “asexuality storyline” is compiled together on YouTube in a playlist for you to watch. (You get to watch Gerald struggle in his relationship, discover asexuality, start identifying that way, and go on lots of ups and downs with what asexuality means in his life. There are a couple questionable things but overall it’s actually done pretty well.)

Also, Tab Kimpton, the webcomic artist responsible for the great LGBT webcomic Khaos Komix, now has the new comic Shades of A. You can read it here. Not only is its main character asexual, but he’s an asexual man of color (I believe Pakistani?) named Anwar. (I haven’t read all of this, just the first few pages.)